Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
