There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
