Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
