So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
