I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
