He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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