We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you had me at cake vodka
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
