My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
