i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
