A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
