WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
