I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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