Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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