we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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