His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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