I heard we made out
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
