Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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