I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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