Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
