You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
