i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize