Betty ford says i'm here all night
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
