Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
