i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
