it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize