i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
