went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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