i permit you to call me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
