I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize