and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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