Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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