The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
