I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
