I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
