just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
