Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
