I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
