You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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