He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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