Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
