"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
