I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
