i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
