Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No subtext here. People are naked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
