was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
now i know why i became what i already was.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
