He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
