Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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