I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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