you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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