you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
