just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
