So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
