cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
