bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize