forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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