Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
PANTIES FOUND
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