Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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