3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
