Is it normal to miss your booty call?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
