I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize