can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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