I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
