trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
