kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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