your room smells of hookers.
And success
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
