Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
