did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize