Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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