I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
