new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
