And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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